


Revised

by rainbow_reindeer



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Human, Ethical Dilemmas, Eventual Smut, F/F, Mental Disintegration, Past Relationship(s), Relationship Problems, Starting Over, Technology, Transhumanism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-04-20 09:49:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4782929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_reindeer/pseuds/rainbow_reindeer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Future Human Jaspidot AU. Jasper and Peridot were once in a relationship, but differences between them led them to split up. They haven't seen each other for five years, but some issues make it hard for Jasper to forget. When she finally manages to contact Peridot, she finds out her ex has changed greatly...<br/>Will Jasper be able to accept Peridot's choices? Will love overcome ideological differences? Will breaching the line of morality take revenge?<br/>Rated Mature for language and future chapters but is not going to become smutty fast. At first, prepare for a serious fanfic and possibly lots of feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That dream

**Author's Note:**

> OK, so here it is - the first work ever I'm publishing :) Tbh, I'm quite nervous, especially for the fact I'm not a native speaker of English. The idea for this fanfic has appeared in my mind randomly and I decided it would be worth spreading though it may be a really tough one. Jaspidot is definitely the best pairing in the universe and it has lots of potential for complicated stories :p  
> Hope you'll like it!

***  
_-YEAH? You know what? Maybe I was wrong! Everyone else was right and I WAS JUST FUCKING WRONG! Maybe we ARE just TOO different to EVER be together!_  
_Small girl looking at her, trying to be as cold as usual, but tears filling her green eyes._  
_Turning around._  
_Little escapist, always running away from problems._  
_Now, running from Jasper._  
_Fading as she reached the horizon._

***  
Jasper gasped as she woke up, immediately sitting on her bed and looking at the mirror reflection of herself.  
FUCK!  
The mirror was broken to thousands of pieces by a quick punch from the strong woman. Pieces of glass stayed in her arm, harming it, but she barely noticed.  
Fuck, she thought again, breathing heavily.  
That dream again.  
Well, actually rather a memory.  
She thought she had already got rid of this. She didn't have that dream for about six months after all...  
Until now.  
Seriously? After five years, she was expecting to forget or at least stop caring about what has happened. But here, the dream returned on an unexpectable occasion, granting her an extremely unpleasant morning.  
The woman attempted to calm herself down, removing the largest piece of glass from her hand and ignoring the smaller ones. She groaned and got up, rushing to her training room. Sport always helped her mind to get off unpleasant things. In the room, she decided to first get on a stepper and turned the TV on. News was almost on every channel. Booooriiing. After a few minutes of looking for a movie, Jasper resigned and trained while listening to news with one ear.  
Human colonies on Mars finish building a new base to support the growing population. Germany becomes the 7th country to legalize human cloning. Technology usage in geoengineering reduces carbon dioxide in the atmosphere by a half. Project Humanity+ experiments are reaching...  
Fuck it all.  
Jasper turned the TV off, bored as hell. She felt so alien-like in this age. Not understanding and not even caring about two-thirds of this technological shit that was happening worldwide. Well, she wasn't interested. Peridot would definitely be, she always dreamt of a technologically-driven future and truly loved all this nerdy stuff...  
The strong woman furiously lifted a heavy weight, clenching her teeth. Will those sick memories never leave her? They have argued so many times. They split up. It was fucking five years ago and she had absolutely no contact with Peridot since then. She just SHOULD have forgotten. She even should have fond someone else. She should. But she couldn't. Not while those dreams kept coming.  
Peridot was a ruthless jerk, a fucking egotist, and a pathetic nerd, she kept telling herself. Nothing she should miss. Yet...it wasn't that easy.  
Finally heading for work, Jasper tried to focus her thoughts on more important issues, like her budget for this month. It was too limited, for sure. Personal trainers never earned much and after those computer training programs became popular, this profession was almost dying out. Jasper had to start thinking about a shift in her 'career', definitely. But what could she possibly be doing in this world full of robots?  
Even more irritated, she entered a decaying fitness club, only to find Garnet, her colleague and a CrossFit instructor, blatantly staring at her wounded hands.  
\- I've broken a mirror- Jasper growled in a low voice, wishing to avoid further questions.  
\- What the...- Garnet exclaimed, widening her eyes. Weird, she didn't put her sunglasses on today. - Broken a mirror? What for?  
\- I had a very good reason, right?!- Jasper snapped, frowning. Garnet looked at her in wonder. Yeah, besides working here she was a damn psychologist as well...  
\- I told you already that being single has a really bad effect on you?- the Afroamerican asked, observing the buffy woman's reactions.  
\- Shut up!- Jasper groaned, punching a wall while considering punching Garnet. It was just too much for one freaky day. Her colleague must have decided it'll be better to leave Jasper alone 'cause she withdrew...but it didn't help. Actually, the rest of Jasper's working day proved to be filled with recurrent disturbing thoughts, mostly about Garnet's words.  
Ughhhh. Fuck Garnet. Fuck her whole existence. Fuck this sick world. Fuck...  
Peridot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to post weekly, probably with small exceptions. Be patient, we'll get to Peridot within a few chapters ;)


	2. Stupid feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was saying I'll be publishing weekly - but this week such a free day emerged, that I can put the second chapter on already! :)  
> So, there's an exception and this week's bonus chapter :p

***  
Well, one good thing about this techie age were games. Extremely realistic and still improving, able to totally separate the player from the world around. Jasper loved those most brutal ones, with smashing monsters or gangs. So, now, after work, she was smashing giants on her 3D laptop. Smash. Smash. And one more smash.  
Suddenly she was disturbed by a 'beep' of her Facebook chat. It was nothing important, just some ad. Ads sent via chat were, on the other hand, one of the worst ideas of this era. Well, why would companies loose such a GREAT tool for advertisement as stalking people on chat?  
Ignoring the ad and pushing her ginger cat away from the laptop, Jasper noticed that one of her photos just gained a like. Normally, she would ignore that too, but what the... She hasn't added any photos for, like, half a year?  
Garnet likes your photo.  
Oh no.  
Jasper almost threw the laptop through the window at the sight of the liked photo. Only restraining herself due to the fact that she lived on the 11th floor and definitely didn't have money for a new laptop.  
DAMN.  
This bitch Garnet did it intentionally, no doubt, probably believing to be helping in a weird way, Jasper thought desperately, quickly switching the photo off. Nevertheless, the image stayed in her mind.  
A big party, probably Amethyst's 18th birthday. Everyone slightly drunk and cheering, but... what has driven Jasper on the edge was the very middle of the photo.  
Displaying herself and Peridot. Lost in kissing, not noticing the camera. Nerd's hands in Jasper's hair, Jasper holding tightly her slim waist...  
\- SHIT!- she shouted loudly, circling around the small room like a raging beast. She got to the laptop, cancelled the photo and continued her aimless race. Until she reminded herself of the existence of similar photos on Facebook and started deleting them all furiously, almost crushing the laptop in the process.  
All of a sudden, she paused.  
It wasn't normal, was it?  
Why was she even caring?  
Peridot definitely wasn't.  
Jasper checked her profile. Yeah, Peri hasn't been on Facebook for a few years. Not surprising, Jasper expected her to be busy doing those two degrees in artificial intelligence and biotechnology she always dreamt of simultaneously. Maybe...she DID care but had no time?  
Stupid feelings, Jasper thought, stroking her cat. Everything was much easier when all she was caring about was keeping her form. When she laughed at all those pathetic loves and emotions of everyone else. Truly believing she'll never fall for feelings.   
Then, she met a certain nerd.  
Now she couldn't even understand herself and definitely had serious anger management issues.  
All Jasper wanted was to return to that prior, idyllic state. Or...just to turn the time and never let those splitting up words out of her mouth. Those words she kept having nightmares about.  
No no, she quickly pushed away the last thought. No second tries, it wasn't something Jasper appreciated.  
Yet, talking to Peridot seemed appealing. They don't have to be together, just... the strong woman felt in her guts that such a talk would calm her down. And end all those dreams.  
It proved impossible, though.  
Jasper stood up and kicked a table, flipping it over. NO FUCKING WAY TO CONTACT. No address, changed phone number, never appearing on Facebook. It was typical for Peridot. To run away from problems like that. To burn all the bridges behind. Jasper growled in anger and hate.   
GREAT.   
She might have had a worse day. BUT this didn't change the fact that such days were becoming more and more a rarity.   
Finally, she'll forget forever. And be the strong, independent Jasper again.  
Time heals all wounds or something like it.   
Doesn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos, comments and following my story ^^  
> In the next chapter we're getting somewhere, I promise :D  
> Patience is a wonderful virtue ^^


	3. Beep

***  
A week has passed. Then the second one. Jasper was slowly starting to believe she finally got rid of those worse days. Well, every day was just enough to want her destroy all this freaky world - but it was a regular thing. And not a-particular-nerd-related.  
She started to qualify herself for the military and was soon going to abandon this poor job at the fitness club. Paradoxically, being an active soldier meant much more life stability than being a trainer and at the same time it meant risk and strength cult. Simply perfect for someone like Jasper.  
She was standing in the kitchen, waiting for her late lunch to warm up. Probably being one of the few people who still needed to be involved in cooking. A huge majority of kitchens were already equipped in robots, but Jasper would rather die than spend her precious money on this shit.  
A 'beep' came from another room, causing Jasper to...do nothing. She undoubtedly wasn't interested in what those companies had to offer her this time. Whatever it was, she couldn't afford it for sure.  
The woman ate her lunch, drank some tea and went out to meet Yellow Diamond, her mentor, closest friend since childhood and now the army's general, whose protectorate was a significant plus on Jasper's application for recruitment.  
When she returned in an unusually good mood, she idly checked her Facebook.  
WHAT THE HELL?!!!!  
The woman almost jumped up in surprise, electrified by the view of four simple words.  
_Do you hate me?_  
Peridot.  
SHE  
WAS  
ONLINE.  
And, heavens, she was writing to Jasper, just as if...  
She cared.  
Damn it. Jasper realized she kinda made Peri wait really long for the answer. Yet, she couldn't just answer such a question at once! It was all way too complex...  
_I don't know_ she replied honestly after several more minutes. Before she could even write something more, asking where Peridot has been all these years, the laptop beeped again.  
_Can we meet?_  
Jasper gasped. She was quite astonished by Peridot's straightforwardness.  
_Please_ appeared on the screen, confusing Jasper even more. Where the heck did this nerd learn how to say 'please'? She never did that!  
_Yeah_ , Jasper typed a rapid response, adding a confused emoticon. The fuck was even happening?  
_Central Square tomorrow. Set the hour._ Yeah, this demanding tone matched Peridot much more.  
_Like, 8 pm? Or 7 am if ya prefer... I'm working most of day_  
_7 am is fine._ Peridot really must have wanted to meet the earliest possible. Jasper stared at the screen not really knowing what to say now.  
_Don't be too shocked when you see me._ appeared on the chat, causing Jasper's confusion to achieve its peak.  
_...why should I?_ she asked, but there was already no green dot near Peridot's name.  
The buffy woman leaned back in her chair with dropped jaw.  
Central Square 7 am, huh?  
Tomorrow seemed to promise a very interesting day... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised, something is starting to haaaaappeeen :3  
> Next chapter: next week at the latest or on a random earlier day, if I have enough free time :)  
> Thank you for reading! ^^


	4. Central Square 7 am

***  
UTC-05:00 timezone, 6:30 am, 30th of March 2108. Clouded sky, low temperature, heavy raining.  
Jasper was running through this unpleasant weather without any umbrella, multiple raindrops making her quickly wet. She didn't care. She just needed to get to Central Square and decided to jog in order not to have her morning training totally missed. Her heart was pounding and she preferred to believe it was because she was running, than because of what was about to happen.  
The strong woman slowed down as she was closer to the settled meeting place. Maybe she wasn't doing right? What if Peri would just start begging for relationship restart and she'll just get completely ticked off? Perhaps it would be better if she just ignored the nerd's message on Facebook...  
With great anxiety, trying to soothe herself by rubbing her nape, Jasper entered the Central Square, looking around for Peridot. Apparently she wasn't there yet. The square was just full of street-cleaning robots and people, either hurrying for work or escaping from the rain.  
\- Jasper?- she heard a familiar harsh voice from behind and immediately held back her instinct calling her to destroy the intruder.  
\- You.- the strong woman hissed, turning around. However, before she could see anything, fingers covered her eyes.  
\- Don't look yet- the voice trembled slightly- I...I'm different. I...- as Jasper growled in irritation at such a violation of her private sphere, the fingers withdrew- Wish you'd accept me.  
The first thing Jasper noticed were light green piercing eyes in which one could almost smell artificiality. Looking at her uneasiness.  
\- What... THE FUCK?- the buffy woman examined the figure in front of her. A figure with weird armor as a replacement for forearms and legs. With fingers having no attachment to the rest of the body, as hands were missing. In an overalls with a strange 'h+' emblem... \- WHAT... HOW...EHHHHH?- Jasper went inarticulate from the scale of surprise, staring at the smaller girl, whose face and wet, messy, dorito-resembling bun were so familiar... She started to suspect the worst...  
Peridot looked at the ground, seemingly perplexed but at the same time surprisingly calm.  
\- You heard about project Humanity+, right?  
Jasper raised an eyebrow, still in shock.  
\- Something... I don't listen to the news, it's boring! But WHAT....  
\- I am part of it. One of the first transhumans. - Peridot boasted, glancing at her again with those freaky eyes.  
\- That doesn't explain... WHAT THE HELL, WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING ROBOT?!- Jasper grabbed the forearm-replacing armor of the smaller girl- WHERE ARE YOUR HANDS?- she quickly tapped on the armor. The sound suggested something between metal and normal human skin...  
\- You know literally nothing about this project, do you?- Peridot smirked.- Wait.- she withdrew her artificial arm from Jasper's hands- Let me explain. I was revised. Enhanced.  
\- THEY MADE A ROBOT OF YOU!!!- Jasper thundered, her great shock turning to great disgust. She grasped a handful of Peridot's clothing and lifted the nerd furiously, shaking her in the air.- YOU AGREED TO THIS!!!!- she rather accused than asked  
\- Yes, I did. I volunteered for the experiments. It was a perfect chance.- Peridot was observing her with no signs of fear.  
Jasper howled loudly, immediately scaring away all bystanders.  
\- YOU PROMISED TO ME! YOU PROMISED TO NEVER MAKE EXPERIMENTS ON ANYTHING LIVING AGAIN!!! IT INCLUDED EXPERIMENTING ON YOURSELF!!!!  
\- Yeah, and I would definitely keep the promises made to someone I haven't seen for so many years. Makes sense. - Peridot sneered ironically. The taller woman almost threw her on the ground and wiped her hand on her trousers in disgust.  
\- What. Else. Did. They. Change. In you.- Jasper hissed, torn between curiosity and the urge to just go and never see the nerd again. Peridot smiled proudly.  
\- I have my hearing and seeing abilities improved- she started enumerating- My logical reasoning skills were enhanced, my life expectancy was prolonged and as you may see, my brittle bone disease was attempted to be reduced by amputating the most brittle elements, forearms and legs, and replacing them with biomechanical parts.- Jasper needed to keep really focused to follow the smaller girl's nerdy talk.- It may look robotic because the experiments needed to be quite budget. That's also why hands were decided to be needless, as detached fingers steered from the brain can fulfill their assigned tasks just as well...  
\- THIS IS SICK!- the buffy woman exclaimed, interrupting Peridot.- You agreed to become THIS? A cyborg? What for?!!!!  
\- For myself- Peridot simply replied, shrugging and leading Jasper to a nearby bench. She wiped it of rainwater and sat down. - And for the development of humanity. It's nothing more than a revision of what was done wrong by nature. I'm a lot better now...- her green eyes clouded with pure smug.  
\- You're not!- Jasper angrily slumped on the bench, turning to the smaller girl.  
\- What?- now it was the nerd's turn to be astonished.  
\- SILENCE!- Jasper rumbled- Listen to me, you jerk.- she exhaled, punching the bench and leaning towards Peridot- You smashed the boundaries that you shouldn't even touch. You let someone mess up with yourself. I'm fucking disgusted by you.- Peridot squeaked in protest, but the buffy woman growled again- SILENCE! You'll regret the consequences. And I never ever want to see you again. I was a total imbecile to ever think you might be something more than just an egotistic brat. Go. Go away, break all contact, you're really good at it.- Jasper turned around, almost breaking the bench. Raged out as fuck.  
She waited, but she didn't hear any expected footsteps. At last there was a whisper.  
\- I have nowhere to go.  
The taller woman instantly turned to the nerd, who was now standing near the bench with lowered head.  
\- What do you mean?- she snapped, still burning from anger.  
\- Basically, I'm homeless- Peridot explained, sniffing.- I... told you already that this project was a budget one? We didn't get the expected sponsorship. That's why I've got no hands, they were too expensive. And that's also why I'm...kind of on street now.- she muttered- I would have some living place granted if something would remain from the project accounts. But nothing remained.  
\- So...they just used you and kicked you on street when they stopped needing you?- Jasper summed up, frowning and clenching her fists.- Where did you sleep since then?  
\- I had enough for a few nights in a hostel. But...  
\- That's why you've written to me, haven't you?- Jasper suspected in a sudden brain wave, standing up.  
\- Well...- Peridot looked away, seemingly pained from guilt- Yeah.  
\- Why me, Dot?- the taller woman forced the smaller to look up by lifting her chin.  
\- Never had anyone closer than you- the artificial green eyes clouded.  
Jasper released the nerd and started to walk around, thinking intensely. The rain has become even heavier.  
\- I can't leave you on street- she finally decided, stopping in front of Peridot.- Come. You can spend a few weeks in my house... But then I expect you to find some other living place, go and never see me again.  
\- Alright!- Peridot happily agreed. Then she seemed to wonder for a moment. - Thank you.- she added seriously.  
Jasper shook her head with disbelief.  
\- Now, where's that hostel? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a longer one XD Hope you like it so far!  
> Chapter 5 will be published as usual, in a week time at the longest.


	5. Supposed to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This time it was a full week for you waiting for a new chapter :) I have it all written until chapter 9 already, but it takes time to rewrite it from the notes on my phone to AOOO and this week I didn't find time before :)  
> I'm happy to say that 'Catch and release' didn't spoil anything in my fanfiction :D actually, as I gave Peridot brittle bone disease, it is natural she might be very small :3 and in chapter 8, where I directly mention her and Jasper's height difference, I also mentioned that those biomechanical limbs make her taller apart from combating this disease.  
> So, I may say that although it's an AU, it kinda matches the current SU ideas about characters, at least for now, lol XD  
> (Besides, size difference is cute XD)  
> In this chapter, we're getting to even more serious problems. Sorry, it isn't a fun story, there's gonna be A LOT of problems, for both Peridot and Jasper; life is brutal. Yet: more problems during the plot= more joy at the happy ending :3  
> Besides, this chapter is the first one in Peridot's POV.  
> Thank you for reading, motivating comments and kudos ^^  
> Love you all and await the next chapter in less than a week :)

***  
Peridot opened her suitcase, unpacking it. At the hostel, Jasper seemed to be genuinely surprised at the size of this luggage. Few university books, few clothes, some pills, tools and lots of robot parts made by herself - it was all Peridot had.  
Jasper already left for work, so she was now alone in the flat. Well, just with the cat, which the taller woman forbid her even to touch for any experimental purposes. Typical. Her ex always had prehistoric restraints. But this time she didn't have to shout that much, Peridot didn't even have any research equipment. Jasper should simply deduce it from the size of her suitcase, but she didn't. Irrational clod.  
The nerd winced at the memory of how Jasper treated her on the Central Square. Such a rude, intolerant brute! Too embedded in her whole conservative worldview to ACCEPT that Peridot might have different principles or even to ADMIT the obvious fact that she was much better after being revised in the project! Ughhhhhh. Peridot always hated these unchangeable beliefs of Jasper, this dumb concept of 'morality'. When they were together, Jasper would often whine about Peridot transhumanist ideological engagement. She even hit her once, that time she caught the nerd on experimenting with her previous cat. Totally deaf to Peridot's explanations that she was just trying to enhance the cat's immune system, her girlfriend just hit her. Really, really hard. After that, they didn't talk for a few weeks, but then... Jasper came with flowers and apologies for getting too rampaged, just asking the nerd to promise in return that she'll never experiment on anything living again. And then they.... Peridot smiled broadly at the flashback. It was so adorable and so unusual, as neither of them was ever romantic, well neither of them didn't even know much about being in a relationship... but oh dear, she loved this buffy clod so much. No matter how much they were arguing.  
The warm feeling building inside of her pained. Peridot immediately curled up on the floor and squeezed her eyes. Yeah, her revised organism had many ways to remind her that she was supposed to be always thinking logically, never giving up for irrational emotions. Overwhelming pain piercing through her chest was probably the most effective of those 'anti-irrationality blockades' inserted in her body.  
Peridot rolled on the ground, biting her lower lip to stop her will to shout, yet miserable squeak escaped from her. She breathed heavily, forcing herself to think logically.  
Okay.  
Jasper might have been once truly close to her, but it was definitely over. They split up five years ago, and now Jasper was deliberately calling Peridot 'disgusting'. Feeling anything for the taller woman wouldn't be a sensible move. It might just harm Peridot. And her ideology.  
The transhuman got up, feeling the pain alleviate proportionally to her return to rational thinking. She finished unpacking and decided to go through Jasper's small flat.  
Bedroom, kitchen, training room, bathroom. The nerd was increasingly under the impression of being magically transferred to the previous century. No robots, despite the 3D laptop no technological achievements, seriously? How did this woman even live here? Cooking by herself? Maybe even tidying by herself? Oh sorry, Peridot ironized, noticing the thick layer of dust on the shelves. Tidying was apparently a rarity in this flat.  
Hmmm.  
Suddenly Peridot came up with an idea.  
Jasper was treating her dreadfully, no doubt. But at least she didn't leave her on street.  
The idea was good, Peridot decided, going for her things. She had eight more hours until the taller woman was going to return from work.  
Should be enough. 


	6. Just a plus added

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else can't wait for 'When it rains'? :D  
> Here's another chapter of my fanfiction to shorten this terrible waiting, hope it helps at least a bit :)  
> Next will appear as usual, week at the longest ^^

***  
Click.  
The door opened as Jasper's fingertip scan was verified as that of the flat owner's.  
\- I'm back!- the buffy woman announced loudly, throwing her coat at the nearest hook and kicking her heavy boots off.  
There was an odd rumbling noise inside her dwelling.  
\- Hey!- Jasper heard Peridot's unnatural voice, then a few quick footsteps.  
Dafuq.  
What was this sick cyborg contriving?  
The tall woman shrugged and traipsed through the corridor. What... was that smell? And...who made this floor shine like a fucking diamond?  
Jasper peeked into her surprisingly tidy bedroom, finding Peridot sitting on the bed and typing something on a screen...made of her artificial fingers. Funny, Jasper decided when the nerd turned around to her. She was a bit flushed, as if she's just been in a great hurry, and there was something weird sitting on her shoulder.  
\- How was work?- Peridot asked, clearly just to say anything, more interested in her fingerscreen than in Jasper's response.  
\- Fine- Jasper sighed, totally exhausted by the whole working day. - What's that?- she pointed out the spherical something on the smaller girl's shoulder.  
\- Oh- Peridot smirked - Just look.- she typed something on the screen.  
The spherical thing suddenly appeared to have four...legs? Jasper honestly had no idea how to call it. It hopped off Peridot's shoulder and headed in the direction of the kitchen. Jasper observed the tiny robot as it passed near her, then focused a questioning glance on the small, grinning nerd.  
\- Follow it- Peridot commanded, laughing briefly and jumping off the bed.  
Jasper raised an eyebrow, full of suspicions, then turned around and rushed after the round robot.  
Delicious smell intensified as the buffy woman anxiously entered the kitchen.  
Oh, my. The view there was something Jasper never expected to see in her own house. Robots similar to the first one were crowding all over the place and on a table there was a freshly cooked meal. The tall woman turned to the smaller, who was standing behind her and observing her reactions.  
\- Explain yourself, nerd.- Jasper eyed Peridot with pure scepticism painted on her face. - What's this techie rubbish doing in my house?!- she picked up one of the robots, aggressively presenting it to the transhuman.  
Peridot narrow lips curled up in a perplexed half-smile.  
\- I just wanted to... somehow pay you back for not leaving me homeless.- she confessed, taking the robot away from Jasper's bulky hands. - From now on, you can stop bothering about housekeeping, robonoids will take care of everything. You may order them whatever you want.- the small girl gazed at the taller- You...like it?  
The bigger woman sighed heavily. She never wanted to buy robots or anything alike, but now...as she got this for free...  
\- I... think so.- she murmured uncertainly. Peridot's face immediately lit up. - But don't think I'm gonna change my opinion about you or something- she felt it necessary to clarify. A shade passed across Dot's face, but it was barely noticeable and immediately replaced by a cold expression.  
\- It is not required.- the nerd affirmed calmly.  
\- Good.- Jasper felt a bit hurt by Peridot's emotionlessness, but she couldn't figure out why. This girl was so disgusting, without any basic sense of morality and so inhuman.... She must have been sick herself to be still caring about what Peridot thought and felt.  
Slightly irritated, Jasper sat down to eat the prepared lunch. It has been a long time since she was so fucked off by this damn work as today. Which was reminding her...  
\- Peridot?- the strong woman asked, halting the nerd who was just about to leave the kitchen.  
\- What is it?  
\- Why don't you work somewhere?- Jasper inquired- I mean, you could easily afford a flat rental if you did...  
Peridot lowered her head, seemingly having all mood spoiled by the simple question.  
\- No one would employ me- she muttered- I have no finished studies, I look like I do and there's a huge unemployment anyway...  
\- What d' you mean?! You were studying! Biotechnology and artificial intelligence, weren't you?!- Jasper almost dropped her cutlery. What the fuck? Impossible! Such a nerd, had no studies?  
\- Yeah, I was...I abandoned it.- Peridot avoided looking at Jasper- On the fourth year. To join the project...  
\- YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!- the tall woman easily destroyed one of the robonoids with her fist, not knowing if she was more shocked or pissed off.- Are you just telling me that you put apart all your career and life dreams, JUST TO LET SOME DAMN EXPERIMENTS BE MADE ON YOU?! Where's even your humanity? Where are your values?!- Jasper thundered, breaking another robonoid.  
\- You understand nothing, you brute!- Peridot cried out desperately, but the pain in her chest immediately forced her to restrict her emotions- It was also my dream.- she continued, much more icily- To become better. To finally look in the mirror without getting this impression that I'm the most pathetic, worthless and useless thing on this planet. And you know what?- she smirked proudly- My humanity is still here. It just has a plus added.  
\- You're really indoctrinated in this freaky ideology, aren't you, brat?- Jasper stood up and came closer to the scrawny girl, clenching her fists. She dragged Peridot's head up by violently pulling her hair.- ANSWER!  
\- I always believed in transhumanism, just in case you forgotten- the nerd stared at her impudently- YOU just PREFFERED to believe I didn't!  
\- Shut up!- Jasper yelled at this sudden remind of the past- I almost regret I didn't leave you on this Central Square- she hissed in utter hate.  
Peridot's lips pressed together in one straight line.  
\- Let me go. I won't bother you anymore if you regret helping me- the nerd attempted to free her hair from Jasper's strong hand- Let go!- she squeaked.  
\- NO.- the taller woman rumbled, glaring at the smaller girl at a close range - You ARE a jerk and you ARE sick. I DO hate you. But I'm not letting you push me in sense of guilt like that.  
Peridot stopped jolting, green eyes blown wide. She was so cute... if looking only at her face. Seeing her artificial arms and legs was driving Jasper mad, but heavens, this face...  
\- You...want me to stay?- the small girl ensured as Jasper lessened the tight grip on her hair.  
\- Until we find you somewhere else to live.- the buffy woman grunted.  
Peridot looked as if she was having a heavy fight inside. She clearly avoided eye contact, biting on her lower lip.  
\- I...think I need to go for a walk- she said, quickly releasing herself and heading towards the door.- I'll be right back!  
As the door shut, Jasper slowly returned to her already cold meal.  
With an absolute mess in her head.


	7. A rational being

***  
Peridot didn't go far. She ran some stairs down and when she found herself in a dark, narrow corner of the staircase, she crouched and hunched up in it. Trying to either bear or overcome the pain inside. Oh, it was getting so tiring... And too frequent. Before she met with Jasper, this new improvement of her organism activated only once... And now it was already two in one day. Arghhh. Honestly, Peridot detested this pain, yet she knew it was all for her own good. To protect her from biases and making mistakes. To make her a rational being.  
The transhuman whimpered, involuntary tears falling from her eyes.  
Why did it all have to be so tough? When she was told about this part of the experiments, she was absolutely convinced she'll have to make just a small effort to restrain irrationality. But now, it proved to be so hard, too hard to endure. Peridot found it impossible not to feel when Jasper was around. It was so likewise as before they started dating... At the high school, when Peridot had a huge crush on the buffy woman and always got way too emotional around her. Even though she was certain that such a hot girl was far beyond her reach.  
It seemed now to have occurred centuries ago. Those times, when Jasper loved her unconditionally... And when everyone was marvelling at how the fuck they managed to even coexist (not to mention being together), both having such harsh, independent personalities... When Peridot could feel anything without getting punishment from her own body.  
The small girl sniffed, her whole skinny frame trembling. Everything was now just so fucked up. Undeniably, she felt better just being herself after project enhancements... but Jasper was so filled with hatred towards her and acted so aggressively, and now this damn pain. Might...being a normal human have been simply easier?  
Nevertheless, transhumanism is the future, Peridot ascertained, standing up. Nothing pioneer is ever effortless and the nerd loved to think of herself as a brave pioneer, taking risk to pave the way for human development. She...just needed to let her revised organism do its work. The amount of research Peridot conducted on the topic of behaviorism techniques was enough to let her know that eventually, she'll get so used to the pattern of irrationality being followed by something unpleasant, that she'll instinctively avoid the first factor of this standard.  
Then, she'll become able... not to feel for Jasper anymore.  
Peridot wiped her tears with a sleeve and headed upstairs, with a strong decision to behave normally and just trust her inserted blockades. As she knocked on the door, Jasper let her in, her frown and overall bitter facial expression suggesting she was still resentful for the smaller girl.  
\- Sorry.- Peridot mumbled inaudibly, not really knowing what she was apologizing for; it just seemed the right thing to do.  
The small girl didn't know if Jasper ignored her or just didn't hear her words, now that she turned around and went back into her training room.  
Peridot felt pain in her chest again - but this time it wasn't a result of irrationality, but rather a bitter feeling of being totally rejected... Sighing sadly, she made her way to Jasper's bedroom, where she curled up on the bed and closed her eyes. Sleep came to her almost at once.  
It wasn't until three hours later, when Jasper found her there and gently slid the nerd to one side of the bed, lying down separately on the other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't wait to show you the next chapter - week at the longest and we'll finally get to the beginning of some positive changes in Jasper's and Peridot's relationship (just a beginning, but still XD) ^^  
> I cannot express how much I'm happy that anyone is reading my fanfic! Again, thank you all! <3 <3 <3


	8. Wondering

***  


##### Three days later

  
  
_'Hi! The recruit workout is tomorrow, just in case you forgotten, be at the training area at 3pm'_  
_'Just hope I'll get a leave day from work'_  
_'Dude, you're leaving this job forever in less than a month, no need to worry'_  
_'Guess you're right'_  
Jasper smiled, waiting for Yellow Diamond to write back. Her mentor always had this ability to get her in better mood, diminishing her all concerns and making her believe everything's gonna be alright.  
_'What's up btw?'_ showed up on the chat. Well... Yellow Diamond might as well help her with this BIGGER problem too, yeah?  
_'Peridot's here'_ she typed briefly.  
There was a long pause.  
_'WHAAAAAAT?'_  
_'Since three days now'_  
_'WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????'_  
_'She lives with me now'_  
_'...You always said you didn't appreciate second tries! Wtf happened?'_  
_'Wut... We're not together!'_  
_'Sorry, I thought...'_  
Jasper sighed.  
_'It's hard, ya know. Living with her. She's unbearable. When can we meet? I need your advice'_  
The buffy woman pressed the sending button and left the laptop for a moment to knock on the bathroom door.  
\- Peri! How long can you possibly take a shower? You're inside for an hour already!  
Silence.  
\- Peridot, I need to shower too!  
More silence.  
Jasper grabbed the handle in fury and...the door opened readily.  
What the fuck?  
The bathroom was empty, no signs of Peridot anywhere.  
\- Peri?- Jasper called out, but the whole flat remained silent.  
OK, Jasper appealed to her muscles, which were already twitching nervously. No need to worry, right? Peridot was an adult woman, she was able to take care of herself. Nothing to bother about that she just went somewhere at around 11pm...  
NO.  
There WAS need to worry.  
Jasper knew this nerd enough to be aware that 'adult' was in Peridot's case rather the matter of age than actions: she still behaved like a dorky, nerdy kid far too often. And this last 'transhumanism' thing just proved to Jasper that Dot was TOTALLY irresponsible.  
The cat meowed behind her.  
\- Hey kitty- the strong woman crouched to pet its head- Where's Peri?  
Unlike in the movies, the cat didn't lead Jasper to her loss at once. It just purred with absolute lack of understanding and started to rub against her knees.  
\- Tsk.- she breathed out in irritation, standing up- I'm too freaked out to play with you, moron.  
Ok, slowly. How can you find someone missing without sounding entirely stupid while explaining to the police that this person has just magically disappeared in the bathroom?  
The tall woman started to pace around the flat to walk her worries off. What could she possibly do...  
FUCK!  
Jasper grasped the nearest shelf, preventing herself from falling. Those pesky robonoids! One day she's honestly gonna break her leg on these small pieces of shit, no doubt. She picked up the robonoid which just attempted to assassinate her to remove it from her path or simply crush it but...  
A bright idea arisen in her head.  
What if she could find Peri using those? The little nerd told her she may order the robonoids basically everything...  
\- Find Peridot, you runt.- Jasper hissed hatefully to the technological achievement lying in her hand. At the very moment she put it on the floor, the 'legs' appeared and the tiny robot started to lead her out of her flat.  
Wow, it really worked.  
Peridot might be a weirdo but at the same time she was such a genius that it was even creepy, a thought crossed Jasper's mind.  
Upstairs, upstairs, upstairs.  
What the heck? What interest did this dweeb have in going up? Might it be the robonoid just leading Jasper in the wrong direction? The buffy woman never trusted modern devices.  
When the stairs finally ended, the robot began climbing vertically towards a ladder fastened to the wall just above Jasper's head.  
Impossible. Peri couldn't go up there. Jasper, herself could hardly reach the ladder and she was over 2ft taller than this nerd... Okay, maybe after Peri gained those biomechanical parts their height difference decreased to, like, one foot and a half.  
Yet, who knows what this little girl was capable of? It won't hurt to check, Jasper decided and started to climb up. She wormed through a close gap in the ceiling and there, she was standing on the roof, searching around for Peridot.  
\- There you are!- she exclaimed, mouth opened from genuine surprise at the sight of a small figure sitting at the roof's edge.  
\- Jasper?- Peridot's eyes widened. As the strong woman approached nearer, she noticed how watery those eyes were. The nerd was totally pitiable, obviously in deep melancholy, hair still wet from the shower, dressed in nothing but Jasper's orange dressing-gown, way too big for her... The taller woman felt her heart jerk involuntarily. - How did you find me here?  
\- Robonoids. What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were going out? How the fuck did you reach this ladder? Heavens, Peridot, were you CRYING?- Jasper volleyed the transhuman with questions, taking a sit by her side.  
\- I was not, you oaf!- Dot quickly wiped her tears- And I'm...just wondering.- she stared at the dark, starry sky again, sighing heavily.  
\- Wondering 'bout what?- Jasper decided to ignore the insult from the smaller girl.  
\- I don't want to talk about it!- the nerd almost shouted, a dark shade covering her face- I mean... I just don't intend to argue anymore! And we will if I told you.- she turned away.  
Jasper's heart jerked again.  
\- Guess we've been really mad at each other the last three days- the buffy woman murmured after a few minutes of silence.  
The only answer was an extremely sad sniff.  
\- You can talk to me, Peri. I'll never accept what you've done, but I don't want you to retreat into yourself like that either.  
Shit, did she really say that? She didn't want to. She definitely didn't want to sound as if she was caring about Dot so much...  
The artificial fingers plotted an invisible circle in the air.  
\- It's just about... We're nothing, Jasp. Just a fleck of dust in the vastness of the universe- Peridot hunched, seemingly broken inside.- All we try to achieve is nothing. We...can so easily be ceased. So easily. It's scary...  
\- Why do you care?- Jasper simply shrugged- We can do nothing about it-...  
\- I'm trying.- the transhuman interrupted her- You...you prefer giving up and just waiting for the future. You do nothing and I...can't stop trying. Humanity now pursues to mean something, Jasp. To have bigger chances of survival in case of anything- her voice trembled, eyes got wet again- And you, you savage...keep saying I'm disgusting!- desperate, she hid her face behind fingers.  
Lights of a space shuttle were visible for a moment on the night sky and Jasper observed them until they faded. Only then she spoken.  
\- I...may have been too nasty for you- the buffy woman admitted heavily- Just can't stand all this 'modern' world and its philosophy.- she clicked her teeth together, forcing herself to remain calm...which was quite a challenge, to be honest. - I hate changing nature, it's not normal. This is what disgusts me. Not you, but what you've done.- she caught the glimpse of the nerd's profile. Peridot was biting her lower lip, fingers squeezed together as if she was trying to clench fists. Little, pitiful creature, Jasper thought as surprising softness waved through her inside.  
\- I'm...so sorry- the transhuman let out a hoarse whisper.  
The taller woman just couldn't contain herself anymore.  
At once, Peridot was captured in an embrace of her strong arms.  
They both sat there for several more minutes, despite the cold in the air.  
Silent, wounded, depressed;  
However, together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will appear in week's time - the chapters are now gonna get longer, as the plot progresses quickly :)  
> Special thanks for motivation and feedback on every chapter to my wonderful friends (Emelyn, Delois, Mei, love u :* ) as well as all of you reading!  
> Honestly, this fanfic is now my life lol XD


	9. Phase 2

***  
It was a fresh, spring day. Outside the sky was covered in few clouds, birds were singing, sun shining and the atmosphere - recently cleaned by geoengineering - was simply blossoming.  
Yet behind the door of Jasper's flat it was quite the opposite.  
Bitter thoughts were spreading all over the flat, the obnoxious silence was suggesting that issues of high importance and problematic have just arrived.  
Peridot was sitting in the kitchen since more than an hour, sight focused on the fount of all trouble - her fingerscreen. Motionless, with widened eyes, twitching eyelids, pale face, one of the detached fingers in her mouth.  
Holy shit.  
They were calling her.  
HOLY. SHIT.  
Few days ago she would definitely be wildly dancing around in happiness at such news.  
But yesterday, everything has altered and now she was rather terrified by what was now displayed on her screen.  
Yesterday, she gained hope.  
Yesterday was like a memorial of her past relationship with Jasper.  
Yesterday, she gained at least a shade of rationality for her inner never-ending warm feelings for the buffy woman.  
And after such a day, she had to simply spoil it?  
The door were slammed and Peridot heard the usual loud announce of Jasper's arrival home.  
She bit on the finger in her mouth, hoping ache might come her in handy to destress a bit.  
Fuck.  
\- Peridot?- Jasper was calling as she was translocating across the flat, looking for her.- Oh, there you are!  
The small woman was stationary, ignoring the tall figure standing by the kitchen's threshold. She just couldn't look in Jasper's eyes now...  
\- Peridot?- the buffy woman pulled on her elbow- Did something happen?  
Being touched by the person who was one of the primary reasons for her stress, the nerd burst.  
\- THIS! THIS HAPPENED!- she cried out showing the display to Jasper, her last words taken by a groan as internal pain waved through her.  
The buffy woman glanced at the little nerd. She raised her eyebrows in a huge WTF; then her attention was shifted to an e-mail message exhibited on the modern screen.  
\- See?- Peridot sobbed, waiting in growing tension for her ex to read the mail.  
  
_To: peridot2082@hotmail.com_  
  
_We have a pleasure to announce you have been qualified for the second phase of Humanity+ project experiments. Such opportunity is a result of the arrival of a significant, delayed sponsorship funding the further enhancement of Humanity+ volunteers. The project council plans concerning your progression contain:_  
_a) skin texture revision_  
_b) providing more realistic limbs, including hands_  
_c) immune system enhancement_  
_d) further reasoning improvement in a newly discovered technique_  
_You are supposed to register at the Humanity+ experimentation site due tomorrow._  
_More information available in the reception._  
_Sincerely, project Humanity+ coordinator council_  
  
The nerd anxiously observed Jasper, expecting her response to be a tyrannical rage, multiple insults, maybe even a punch from the huge fists...but none of this happened.  
\- Go.- Jasper's voice went icily emotionless, facial expressions covered behind a lifeless mask- Do as you wish. I don't care.- the tall woman sat down, typing something on her mobile phone.  
Peridot's mouth dropped open. Her...girlfriend...never behaved like that...so coldly.  
It was so awful to see this expressive woman like that, thousands of times worse than seeing her rampaged... Was Jasper...truly detesting her that much?  
\- You're lying!- the nerd accused desperately, eyes getting wet against her will- You're...just very upset so you say such bullshit... aren't you?- the artificial fingers squeezed Jasper's much bigger hand, the whole strength of the small girl put in the grasp- Say you are!  
\- Yes- the buffy woman hissed, withdrawing her hand at once- Yes, I am upset. You're gonna go anyway. So fuck off, cranky runt, go already and just STOP torturing me!- she growled hatefully in the nerd's face.  
Peridot lips pressed together. She never appreciated being ordered around. She definitely didn't. Most times, whenever someone was too bossy towards her, it just strengthened her will to do exactly the opposite.  
\- No.- she snapped- I'm not going anywhere. You're pretty quick to assume what I wish to do.- the transhuman crossed her arms, placed one leg over another and turned away with narrowed eyes, like a stubborn child.- I'm fucking staying and you can't kick me out!  
The buffy woman's expression softened, becoming pure astonishment. As Peridot glanced at her, a smug smirk blossomed on her narrow lips until...  
***  
Her whole vision blurred, the mind was lost somewhere in an avalanche of pain and screaming. It was literally the worst paroxysm she ever got.  
\- PERIDOT!- through the thick mist of tears, the nerd saw how Jasper jumped off her chair, accidentally knocking over the table, as she instantly kneeled on the floor over her- What... HEAVENS, PERIDOT DON'T DIE!!!!!!  
The explicit horror of the tall woman made Peridot smirk a bit though she knew she might have looked like in agony and felt just as terrible. Her vulnerable shaking body arched, a thin line of blood running from underneath her head. It must have been wounded when it hit the ground...  
\- D...don't...- she whimpered, noticing Jasper taking her phone out, no doubt to call the emergency medical service- Don't! You... ughhhhh....don't even know... what's happening!- she howled a few hardly understandable words, reaching to take the mobile away from the taller woman; yet, even such a small action made her pant with effort.  
Jasper observed those desperate attempts, panic and concern reflecting in her yellowish eyes. Finally, she decided to put her phone away.  
\- Are you...able to talk now?- she asked, blinking nervously.  
Peridot nodded in response. Her eyes squeezed, teeth clenched, the whole frame curled up while her torment was constantly growing.  
\- It's...my fault... It's... arghhhhhh!... a punishment- the transhuman gasped jerky words in the rare moments she felt the pain ease for a second or two.- Because...aaaaah- her head was thrown against the floor surface again, resulting in more blood sprawling on the ground.  
\- Because what?- Jasper insisted. Peridot felt her tenderly place her massive hands under her sore head in an attempt to prevent the smaller girl from further harm. So stupid, Peridot thought. It couldn't help...- It's about those freaky experiments isn't i-...  
\- Yes!- the transhuman immediately interrupted her- I just made an... irra-aaaah-tional decision I wasn't supposed to make!- she was practically yelling, trying not to let her own cries of suffering drown the words of explanation.  
Jasper's eyes narrowed in understanding.  
\- Logical reasoning enhancement, huh?- she ensured. Her tone stroke Peridot. The whole anger, disgust, hate... all was gone. Only worry and care remained.  
\- Y-yeah- the smaller girl muttered, relaxing in Jasper's strong arms and focusing only on her interior battle against pain- But...  
\- It'll pass won't it? Don't worry...- Jasper was caressing her head, probably instinctively and absently. However, it meant a lot to Peridot. Actually, it was all she loved about this woman - though rough and overbearing in conflict, she was so supportive...and even soft when Peridot needed it most, like now.  
So unlike anyone the nerdy girl ever knew.  
Oh, how she missed Jasper during this recent five-year period of loneliness. How she missed anyone who would care... How she didn't belong anywhere...  
And longed for belonging.  
\- Unless I'll change my mind...unless I'll go for these experiments...- she made a long pause before finishing in a heart-breaking whine- It'll never pass.  
Never.  
Peridot didn't think even once that such a brief, simple word would ever become...  
The worst nightmare of her life.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm REAAAALLYYY sorry I'm ending this chapter in such a stressful moment, but it's ABSOLUTELY necessary to shift to Jasper's POV now, trust me :D  
> If you still don't get some of Peridot's and Jasper's feelings and behaviors there - the next chapter's going to clarify everything (it'll appear next week, as usual) ^^  
> Hope you're satisfied with how the work progresses :)  
> Please remember I'm open to your opinions and any questions you might have! <3


	10. Faults and masks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trololololol, here it is!  
> Jasper's game changer POV chapter! ^^  
> Sorry for a one-day delay, I was being busy in personal life.  
> Enjoy and thank you for everything! <3

***  
\- It will never pass.  
As the smaller girl's words resounded in the air, Jasper's muscular body spasmed nervously, thoughts racing through her mind. She still didn't have an idea why and how the heck was this all even happening, but she could be certain about one matter. Peridot was awfully suffering. And this instantly caused Jasper to consider, like, a few hundreds of plans for crippling and murdering the people who inserted those damn 'enhancements' and, as a result, hurt her Dot.  
Yes, HER Dot. The past was now pulsing in Jasper's head, reminding her all the feelings she used to have. From this whole stress, the horror of the one brief moment when she thought Peridot was dying, that she just lost her forever... the strong woman realized something. She couldn't live without this little nerd, they were absolutely inseparable. Didn't those five years of separation just confirm it? She was on the edge of madness and couldn't forget all this time, no matter how hard she tried. And now, when Peri was around, her pure and righteous hatred for what the nerd has done was constantly conflicting with something totally opposite. Something devouring her from within. Jasper always was a whole way below average when it came to recognizing her own emotions, but she was already familiar with this one. She used to call it 'love'... At present, she was too hesitant to name it like that. Too afraid of what the consequences of ensuring herself that she still loved Peridot would be. Perhaps...'care' would be a safer word? Yeah, she definitely cared for the nerdy girl; and she wished to believe it was usual to care about the person she once was in a relationship with. To be worried about Peridot's mistakes so much that it driven her to an aggressive and violent rage. To wish to protect her at any costs.  
\- It won't pass?- she repeated in a husky tone, utterly torn inside. Peridot sadly shook her head. Shit. It won't pass...unless...Dot'll change her mind? - FUCK!!!- she snarled- So...you need to...- Jasper hitched her breath. She really hoped the pretty face lying in her hands will give her any sign she was wrong. But she gained quite the opposite.  
\- Either go to the experimentation site and be...further changed or bear this ache-aaaah!- the smaller girl finished, curling up against Jasper's chest.  
'Changed', the buffy woman noticed, hugging the trembling little body. For the first time since they met on Central Square, Dot said 'changed' regarding this whole damn artificializing of her- not 'improved', not 'enhanced', not 'revised' but 'changed'. Was it some kind of a sign of Peridot's reversing her attitude towards those sick 'transhumanist' ideologies?  
Jasper truly desired to help Dot to break away from this whole indoctrination. Furthermore, she was absolutely convinced that she shouldn't let Peri go for any more experiments if it was already causing so much harm to her. Yet Peridot's staying would mean a lifetime of misery and pain for this cute nerd.  
SHIT.  
Jasper just couldn't be such an egotist. Peridot always deserved better than- she glanced at the filthy, weeping mess on the floor - than THAT.  
\- Then...- she let the girl out of her embrace. If this needed to be done, Jasper had no other option than hide herself in her frequently-used shell of an unfeeling brute. After all, this was her eternal protection. In her childhood, whenever Jasper was feeling anxious, misunderstood or miserable, she put this mask of a dangerous, cruel beast on. Her violence and beating everybody who dared to come into her way was the simplest way to scare away all potential people who could harm her; and there were lots of such shady-looking individuals in the dark, disreputable neighborhood that Jasper and her alcoholic mother had to survive in for such a long time. Basically, until the buffy woman started to be able to earn a living and moved away, her mask of violence already regarded by everyone as her actual character trait.  
\- Then as I already told you, GO, you hated moron.- Jasper hissed, clenching her fists at the smaller girl- Just go and become a totally controlled machine...oh wait! You're already such.  
Peridot pursed her lips.  
\- Pretending.- she commented briefly between heavy panting.  
The buffy woman froze, realizing how she underestimated the nerd's full-scale knowledge of her masks.  
\- I already told you, you can't kick me out- the transhuman's lips curved in a weak, mischievous smile. All Jasper wanted was to lean in and kiss those lips...wait what? The woman pushed the unwanted thought far, far away.- Don't make me repeat myself when I'm in such state, you know I can be stubborn as hell.- the nerdy girl giggled briefly, tossing her head back. The laughter sounded almost mad, covered in a moan as Peridot tensed in pain again.  
Jasper's mouth went widely open.  
What the... Dot seemed really determined... Did she seriously wish to choose pain, not experiments? It would be natural for Jasper, of course, but Peri...  
\- Why?!!!!- the buffy woman thundered over the small body.- Why the hell????!!!!!- she yelled, feeling her control getting lost.  
\- BECAUSE I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE!- Peridot erupted, her eyes squeezed shut, face expressing strong, never-spoken emotions. Misery. Fear. Alienation. Torment.- Nevermind.- she added quietly, clumsily covering her face with fingers.  
Jasper gazed at her in mute shock. If only she knew earlier... Everything appeared so obvious now.  
Peridot was super lonely since they split up.  
It was the cause why she started to feel so worthless. So afraid of the future. That's why she decided to join those experiments.  
All because she had no one to stand by her side, no one to increase her self-esteem, no one to stop her from making mistakes. No one. Not a soul. Even her parents were always obsessed with science enough to forget the very fact of their daughter existence.  
\- Peridot...- the buffy woman rasped, tenderly cupping the nerd's face. Green sad eyes were still looking away, tears of pain were still running down Peridot's face.- If only I knew... Fuck it, Dottie, it's all my fault!- she growled, cuddling the smaller girl with all her strength involved.  
Peridot's jaw dropped.  
\- What?...- the transhuman ensured, barely speaking from exhaustion- It was...all mine...decision to join Humanity+. I really...shouldn't have. So what...  
\- I should've protected you.- Jasper interrupted her, rubbing her nape with one hand- And what I did was behaving like shit, hurting and leaving you.- she took Peri in her strong arms, then carried the weakened girl to bed, gently laying her against soft pillows instead the cold kitchen floor. Herself, she sat near and seriously focused her look on the artificial eyes below.- Every option you now have is fucked as hell. I know that.- she sighed- I... only ask you to think twice before choosing anythi-...  
One detached finger pressed to her lips, silencing her.  
Peridot opened her screen and quickly typed something, which Jasper curiously peeked at.  
  
_To: humanity+council@gmail.com_  
_Due to a few personal issues, I have to announce I decided to reject your offer regarding my attendance on phase 2 of the project._  
_Best regards, Peridot._  
  
The small girl was still squirming with ache. But now, a full-scale joy lit her face, a genuine smile rested on her lips.  
-This one time, fuck all this treacherous thinking- she laughed briefly, pressing the sending button and closing her eyes.  
Jasper found it impossible to believe how her own self was delivered from the dark in no more than two seconds.  
\- I almost forgotten how wonderful you are- the buffy woman whispered, leaning in to kiss her Dottie on the cheek- Sleep, darling, you've got the right to be tired.- she added as she heard the steady breath from the nerd.  
She must have admitted it, Jasper thought, getting up to leave the room.  
All those stupid worldview clashes were just vain and pathetic.  
Regardless of anything, she DID love Peridot. 


	11. To forget

***  
Sun rays came through the curtains of Jasper's bedroom, danced on Peridot's cheek and eyelids, making her upturned nose crinkle. The nerd let out a little, discontented noise and slowly opened her eyes.  
She smiled warmly at the first view she got to see this morning.  
Jasper suntanned face, a few pale scars crossing darker skin. Her strong jawline. Her fluffy hair strewn all over the pillows. Her plush, soft lips, just perfect for kissing...  
Peridot found herself unconsciously leading her artificial fingertips across the texture of the taller woman's face when Jasper suddenly moved, putting her buffy arm over the nerdy girl and pulling her closer.  
The small woman sighed happily. Since five years, she wouldn't think even in her boldest dreams that she'll once get to feel like that again. Being in Jasper's embrace was like a definition of safety...and pure joy. It just surpassed all Peridot's internal demons, however stupid it might sound, and taught her real life. The life outside of her comfort zone, of her daily technological hideaway. So good for her that she decided to stay with Jasper, Peridot realized. That she instantly rebuffed those phase two experime-...  
Darkness covered her vision sphere, convulsion overtook her actions, her back arched almost breaking itself.  
WONDERFUL, the nerd rolled her eyes in heavy irony. Simply perfect. She was really naive to believe she could feel pleasantly for more than a second, wasn't she? Well, maybe she shall become friends with this pain if it's never going to abandon her? Now, that could be a real friend, literally always standing by her side, Peridot snorted.  
Something explicitly didn't match in this jigsaw, but Peridot had a hard time trying to figure out what.  
Oh yes.  
Why... was nothing hurting her for those first few snippets of time after she woke up?  
Shouldn't this pain be NEVER-ending?  
Deeper analysis is required, Peridot decided and frowned, thinking intensely.  
After her awakening she focused on Jasper, right?  
And the anti-irrationality blockade activated...  
Just after she reminded herself of her previous day decision.  
So...assuming the causal relation of those two events, she could make a theory that... thinking about an irrational action she took - namely deciding to fuck all experiments, which might have been so profitable for her- all just for Jasper - enabled the pain.  
If so, it would be possible...  
To eliminate all paroxysms by such an effortless step as never thinking about the mentioned irrational decision anymore.  
Alright, let's check the thesis, Peridot decided and concentrated on throwing all unwanted memories away from her head. All by a heart-warming process of staring at the buffy woman by her side, just like in the very morning. So intimidating, yet so protective.  
And so freaking hot.  
The transhuman's tensed body loosened, pain drifting away somewhere to never be remembered.  
Peridot tenderly brushed one of her fingers against Jasper's lower lip.  
Yellowish eyes of the latter woman glanced at her, immediately narrowing in a smile.  
\- Hey there- she kissed the nerd's forehead, purring softly- How d'ya feel?  
\- Quite pleasurable- Peridot replied, clinging to Jasper, who lazily raised her eyebrows.  
\- Pleasurable? What 'bout...this pain?- the buffy woman interrogated and Peridot felt it shoot through her body again.  
\- Don't remind...please...It's better when I forget- she moaned, pressing her face directly in Jasper's broad, soft chest.  
The taller woman ran her fingers through Peridot's hair, calming her at once.  
\- Okay, I understand.- the powerful voice whispered right into the nerd's ear.  
No, you don't, Peridot wanted to reply. You never understood anything. Empathy is a blatant lie, especially in your case. Know you enough to claim it. But I still...  
Love you.  
\- Job's waiting.- the strong woman sighed breaking off the silence and withdrawing her warm body by getting up. - Stop making faces, I'm not disappearing for the next five years- as the laugh thundered, the nerdy girl blushed slightly. She wasn't aware of how dissatisfied she looked when her huge, loving radiator moved away, but Jasper's mocking tone revealed everything.  
\- I...- she started and got stuck, blushing even more.  
\- There, there.- Jasper pat her head, kissed her cheek and left to get ready for the day.  
Peridot smiled to herself and curled up against the pillows, soon falling asleep again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, this one was an idyllic, beautifully short chapter with a huge publication delay XD Extremely sorry for these few weeks of not publishing anything, mea culpa, just can't manage my time properly :')  
> We still have some problems to go through in this story, so brace yourselves - this chapter is an EXTREME RARITY for idyll in this fanfic.  
> Hope I'll manage to publish the next chapter in week's time but I can't promise.


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